On Sight

I don’t always look like what I’m battling — but it’s a war every day.

“I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.”— Nikki Giovanni

People think I’ve got it all together.I walk into rooms with a quiet strength, a composed presence, and a smile that rarely cracks.They see confidence. Calm. Control.But what they don’t see?Is that for me — it’s a fight.And it’s on sight every single day.

The War Inside

When I’m alone, it gets loud.The silence that others call peaceful feels like a battlefield in my mind.Stillness doesn’t mean I’m at ease — it means my brain is racing, spiraling, questioning, dissecting.The world outside is quiet, but inside, it’s chaos.

I stare at the ceiling in the dark, trying to slow the storm in my head.Old memories.Unspoken grief.Endless overthinking.Moments I should’ve let go of — but can’t.Thoughts that whisper lies in a voice that sounds like my own:

"You’re not enough.""They’re going to see through you.""You’re faking it."

I battle social anxiety.I live with insomnia.I carry grief that doesn’t always have a name.I fight imposter syndrome daily.And yet — I keep showing up.Not perfectly. But victoriously.

Choosing Me — First, Second, and Last

The biggest shift came when I made a decision:

I would no longer show up for everyone else while abandoning myself.

I’ve spent too many years being the dependable one, the strong one, the one who made sure everyone else was okay — while I was quietly falling apart. That version of me? She’s tired. She’s done.

Now, I’m showing up for me — first, second, and last.

I am choosing to be selfish.Radically. Unapologetically. Entirely.

I protect my peace like it’s sacred.I rest when I need it — without guilt.I say “no” without explaining.I cry without shame.I laugh louder.I feel more.I take up space that I used to shrink in.

And I don't apologize for any of it.

My Quiet Victories

Victory doesn’t always look like success on paper.

Sometimes, it’s getting out of bed when my spirit feels heavy.Sometimes, it’s breathing through panic in a crowded room.Sometimes, it’s canceling plans to honor what I need.Sometimes, it’s telling myself the truth when my mind tries to lie.

I’ve learned that my strength isn’t in hiding what hurts —It’s in honoring it, feeling it, and healing anyway.

This Is What Healing Looks Like

So if you see me smiling, just know —I’m not untouched by pain.I’m not coasting through life.

I’m choosing life — every day, even when it’s hard.I’m fighting for peace.I’m building myself back from the inside out.

I’m no longer performing for anyone else’s comfort.This version of me is honest, raw, soft when needed, and fierce when necessary.

And now?

I show up for me.

On sight. Every day. Without apology.